If You Can't Say Something Nice...

You make a better door than window

2009-11-24T10:12:00.001-08:00

Why, oh why must my mother in law stop in front of the doorway you are trying to get into, EACH and EVERY time? If she's answering the door, she immediately stops to greet you in the threshold, all the while beckoning you, "won't you please come in?" Well, I would, lady, but your BODY is in the way. It's gotten even worse now that we have a child. No matter if it's raining, snowing, sleeting outside, she immediately stops in the door, me lugging the incredibly heavy and unwieldy carseat full of grumpy baby. No matter if the dog is tugging me back down the stairs by my NEW JEANS as I attempt to juggle 2 diaper bags, a playpen and the leftovers I've been sent to share.... no, no. MUST. STOP. IN. DOORWAY. CANNOT. ALLOW. OTHERS. TO PASS.

Drives me absolutely batty.

If you're walking into a room or store, she will indeed walk in front of you (as we often encourage her to do, since she's not really stable, and we like to be behind her for a quick catch, just in case), but she somehow senses she's entering a new space, and immediately halts, letting the back end of the human train following her crash unexpectedly to avoid knocking her wee little elderly ass down.

Don't get me wrong... I love the lady like my own mother. It's just her utter unawareness of this habit and the precise predictability that makes me want to do cartwheels and bounce on my head, all while whalloping myself with a giant cartoon mallet.

The very predictability of it should allow me to resign myself to this phenomenon, or at least plan for it and avoid it, but due to the fact that I actually need to get into the room she's blocking, and her invariably perfect timing, I'm ususally stuck biting my lip until it bleeds waiting on her to figure out why I have not, "come in, already!"

Anyone else's inlaws or significant other have equally endearing traits? Would love to hear about them!

For the record

2009-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

It's pronounced:

"chimney" - not "chimley".

"column" - not "Khall-EEWm"

"Hawaii" - not "Howaryah"

"mermaid" - not "marrymaid"

"supposedly" - not "supposebly"

"Ida " - not "Ahder"

"Sarah" - not "Sayrah"

"regardless" - NOT "irregardless"

Whew. I feel better now. Anybody else got one just eating away at them? Also, am I the only one that wants to claw my face off and stamp my feet and scream "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!!!!" when you hear these things in the midst of an otherwise professional meeting? (Not that doing such would be anything other than the epitome of professionalism! By all means!)

No, that sandwich WASN'T for you

2009-07-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

You walk through a cracked door into a conference room full of people in the midst of a meeting. Lunch has just been delivered. You begin a random, trivial conversation with the room in general and no one in particular. As everyone is beginning to eat and largely ignoring you, you saunter over to the sideboard and help yourself to a portion of lunch, all the while chattering nonsensically about the nothing you deemed important enough to grant you entry to the room to begin with. Still yammering, you slide back out the door and up the hall with your spoils thinking no one noticed your filching. That is, until the VP of Sales comes back from the phone call he took and can't find his sandwich, and no one can figure out why. Poor form!